My fascination with Peter North started the day I figured out how to bypass the family filter. I was twelve years old and had just learned to ejaculate. As a child, I had no father, but when I saw my first Peter North cum shot, I knew I had found a replacement. He was everything I wanted to be. His cock was ten times bigger than mine. His load easily twenty times bigger.
As he jerked off, I cheered him on. “Go, go, go,” I would yell in excitement. I knew from experience how hard it could be to orgasm. I rooted for him like I imagined he would have rooted for me had he been around to see me play soccer. Peter North was everything a father should be. He was a role model. “Who’s your daddy?” he asked in one of his films. It felt like he spoke to me.
Perhaps it was the constant cum on screen, which reminded me that, had the (porn) stars aligned themselves differently, I could have been one of the sperm cells squirting out of his nine inch baby maker. I imagined myself flying out of the urinary tract, and landing in the throat of a cum hungry slave, i.e. what would become my mother (at the time, I thought you could get pregnant through the mouth). Reality was altogether different. Mom was shy, taught autistic children, and was allergic to milk. And once, just as I was about to show the world what Peter North had taught me, she entered my room with tea and biscuits.
Peter North has directed more than 70 movies and acted in more than 1500, most notably the brilliantly titled North Pole and Anal Addicts. Known for his strict semen-producing diet, he has been called The Milk Man, The One-Man Bukkake Machine, Sir Cumalot, and Old Faithful, which is really no wonder if you’ve seen one of his money shots in slow motion. They can really reach epic proportions and remind me a lot of the video artist Bill Viola’s slow motion works inspired by Renaissance paintings. Only better. The creativity in these sequences is amazing. In one film, Mr. North shoots into a chick’s nostril and the sperm comes dripping out the other. In another he cums on a windshield, and the girl in the driver seat turns on the wipers, smearing the jizz all over the glass. In my personal favorite, he blows his load into a desk fan which sprays it all over the girls in the room.
Born Alden Brown, Mr. North was discovered while modeling athletic wear in Los Angeles. I’m guessing his porn name is a reference to his upbringing in Halifax, the first clue that Peter North is full of love for his native country. The second clue is that he has his own professional hockey team, the Peter North Stars. While porn might not be the most Canadian of things, hockey is.
At first, the leap from porn to hockey might seem odd, but give it a little time to simmer, and you’ll discover it makes a lot of sense. Other celebrities branch out into food and fashion, but I’m not sure I’d eat at a Peter North restaurant (I’d always wonder where the dressing came from) or wear Peter North clothes (I’d be too aware of the irony). Hockey on the other hand is the perfect crossover solution. Just imagine the next series of videos he could produce: My Puck Bunny is a Fuck Bunny, Peter North’s Icing, or Back-end Cum Shot.
If you are interested in Peter North’s hockey team, you can follow them on Twitter (http://twitter.com/PeterNorthStars) or visit their website (http://www.peternorthstars.3rdprecinctfellowship.com/index.htm). Please notice their jerseys, a stroke of pure genius.